You have a good start to your story...
Try to add some conversation to your story, move your plot by conversations...
This will help give more real life, more dimensions to your story...
Also... If you intend this to be an EROTICA...
Try to add a more detail to your erotic scene... ( explain how you feel, how she responds... did she make any noise? etc... )
Looking forward to your part 2 na jaaaa...